"Get used to it, that's the game"

An idea I wish would die

Must… not… use… mod tools…. to… delete… dumbass…. comment.

I was on my favorite subreddit and someone was posting about a comfort issue they were having. And a very unhelpful commenter replied with that.

I have quite a chip on my shoulder. If you’ve read enough of my posts, you’ve seen evidence of that. That chip is from my first month of chastity – all the people that told me that “my body will adapt”.

I’ve touched on this in my inaugural post here on Substack and it’s the foundation of much of what I write: with regards to comfort, fit is king.

There’s a certain ascetic aspect to chastity and so I wonder the motives of this commenter. Does he suffer discomfort too and legitimately thinks that should be part of the experience? Is he perfectly comfortable in his cage and doesn’t understand how painful a poorly fitting cage can be? Or is he just a thoughtless asshole?

Francis of Assisi or thoughtless asshole?

There’s very little that hasn’t already been covered concerning thoughtless assholes on the internet so I’ll set that aside but let’s talk about the other two.

How painful can chastity really be?

Having read thousands of posts describing discomfort, I think my experience was definitely on the more painful side.

During caged playtime in those early Amazon cages, my “erection” caused so much pain under my scrotum that despite having every motivation to want to continue, I had to always cut it frustratingly short. Either that or we’d continue with me out of my cage. That’s telling as to how bad it was. Why? Because we are desensitized to pain when aroused – ever have sex on the carpet while on top? Notice the rug burn on your knees later? Yep – desensitized when aroused.

Now, imagine an even stronger “erection” when asleep. Yes, they are stronger. And guess what? They don’t come with that pain desensitization.

I would wake up in incredible pain – burning under my scrotum. The pain level was comparable to stubbing a toe really badly. Except it wouldn’t abate.

And I really wanted to push through it. Remember, “get used to it – that’s the game”. If I just suffered through another night, if I just kept this damn thing on, this fucking cage, for one more night, it’ll get better.

I remember some nights were better than others. I don’t know why – perhaps my erection wasn’t as strong on the better nights. Who knows. But that occasional improvement also gave me a glimmer of false hope that I was getting used to it. And so I persisted.

I persisted for a month. What an idiot I was.

But god, I love my wife. I need to digress for a minute.

Jenn was amazing through all of this. First I need to tell you that sleep for her is sacrosanct. We have had so many screaming fights because I’d try to snuggle with her early in the morning while she was still sleeping (I’ve long since learned my lesson).

But she held my key. She kept it around her neck when she slept. And when I just couldn’t take it anymore, I would wake her up and she’d unlock me. And once my erection had gone away, she’d lock me back up.

I know this sounds strange but I’ve never felt so loved by her as I did during that month.

Returning…

So, when I see someone give that advice, I hope they are just in a cage that fits pretty well and simply think that the discomfort the poster is talking about is almost trivial.

Pain as part of the experience

As I said, there’s an ascetic streak to chastity. I’m not suggesting chastity users are a bunch of Francises of Assisi¹, far from it. But by its very nature, we are giving something up. Or at least many of us are. I’ve had fewer orgasms in my 17 months of chastity than I think I had in my two weeks prior to chastity. And I’ve recently found some degree of interest in denying myself even the view of my penis with my most recent cage off the printer.

Ultimately, the idea of denial in chastity is actually for pleasure but we certainly don’t frame it that way. We all show off to each other how long we’ve been locked. We talk about how few orgasms we’ve had. Some of us I suspect go into smaller and smaller cages, not because of a kink for shrinking² but because of an idea that a smaller cage means more suffering (even if it’s quite comfortable). You see this reflected in many keyholder captions as well: the domme threatening the sub with a flat cage.

Suffering pain does come with a badge of honor. We do it all the time. We say how bad we had it when we were children compared to some other generation (are you sick of us GenXers talking about living off of garden hose water during the summer yet?). We talk about how painful our cage was during our first month of chastity… wait, forget that one, bad example.

I do think pain can be enjoyed. And I think there are safe ways to do it. I don’t think enduring it as part of chastity is one of those ways.

So, what’s your point?

First of all, I think it’s critical that chastity wearers and their dommes understand what comfortable means in chastity because if they don’t understand, they will suffer in their cages simply because they don’t know any better. And guess what, it means the same as it does in an old pair of tennis shoes… or a wedding ring.

And everything I know, everything my experience has taught me, is that that comfort doesn’t come from “getting used to it”. It comes from having a cage that fits properly.

So, if you’re browsing reddit and you see someone espousing the “get used to it” idea, do the community a favor and down vote him. At best, he just doesn’t understand. At worst, he’s an asshole.

1. Or is it Francis of Assisis?

2. Chastity does not cause permanent penis shrinkage.