Chastity From a Sub’s Point of View

What it’s like to wear a cage

I recently hosted a moderately successful Q&A on r/FemdomCommunity on male chastity. And the question I had the most fun answering was from a Domme who had several subs in chastity and wanted my perspective as to what it was like. Perhaps some of the Dommes who subscribe might find it interesting (and perhaps bring it up at the next meeting of the Domme Executive Council - you ladies have one, right?). Perhaps some of the chaste subs might as well.

As my focus is primarily on the technical aspects of chastity (I’ll generally leave it to

Giles English

to cover the other aspects), I’m going to spend most of this article on the physical sensations. But not wanting to cede the entire battlefield to Giles, I’ll also spend a little time of how it feels to me as a submissive.

First of all, I need to divide my answer into two: an answer for me today, a chaste sub with numerous exquisite and properly fitting cages and an answer for me about a year ago with a horribly fitting and very crappy one. (Un)fortunately, I very much remember my first month or so in horribly fitting cages. And finally, I’m going to dip my toes into the less technical – how it feels to surrender your sexuality.

The Ideal – a Comfortable Cage

First let’s talk about when flaccid... day to day, going about my life, where we in lifestyle chastity spend 95% of our time.

It’s really boring. I almost don’t notice the cage is even there. But read on through the boring part.

As an example, once, when it was time for me to lock back up, I went to the bathroom to get my cage. And it wasn’t there! I was really quite disturbed. It’s not like a remote control that you walk off with. Jenn had me remove it so we could get biblical (when’s the last time you’ve hear that euphemism?). It should still be there. After a few brief moments of WTF, I realized I was already wearing it.

(I hope you appreciate my attempt to build suspense through that last paragraph so it wouldn’t be too boring).

Yes, a cage can really fall in the background like that. But let me relate another example.

I was on a work trip. After a consultant hosted dinner (with an open bar – the one nice thing about consultants), I return to my room and hang up my suit and ready myself for bed. And there in the full length mirror, so prevalent in hotels, is my cock perfectly restrained in its anodized titanium cage.

I didn’t start chastity because I had a kink for it but if I can be said to have developed a kink, I would say it is for adornment. I look down at my cock filling the cage with a hint of compression and it really has an aesthetic I’ve come to appreciate. To forego false modesty, I do have a quite attractive cock. It’s no less attractive constrained inside titanium or steel bars.

I have a lot of very expensive cages. Some I purchased because “gotta collect them all” and some because of their beauty. It’s the former I spend most of my time in. I want to see that jewelry decorate my shaft and glans.

Returning to the physical sensation… when “erect”, and I use that term loosely as my full glory is quite restrained in its cage, a properly fitting cage is actually quite pleasurable. The swelling cock strains against the cage in every direction but where my attention is pulled to is the top of my glans. As my growing cock swells, it finds itself with a rather unnatural curve – downwards. And it tries to correct that. If it finds itself in materials not up to the challenge, it succeeds (as has happened not once but twice – no false modesty here). Otherwise, I feel some frustratingly delicious pleasure on the top of my glans as the press against the top of the cage. It feels so good that my cock will flinch from the stimulus. Which also feels amazing. Which will make my cock flinch. What a tantalizing positive feedback loop.

That’s a properly fitting cage.

A very poorly fitting cage

My first three cages were horribly fitting, the first two ungodly painful, the third sported such a large ring that I could probably have just pulled the whole thing off. I’m going to focus on the first two.

I remember the times the cage wasn’t pinching. I knew I needed to take it off for hygiene because it was incredibly tight on me but when it wasn’t pinching, I just didn’t want to touch it.

Most of the time it pinched. It pinched when I walked, when I sat, when I lay.

And then there was “sleep”.

I was told so many times on r/chastitytraining that my body would adapt, that the nocturnal erections would lessen in strength. I still bear resentment for that very bad advice.

Jenn was amazing. As long as I was trying to endure sleeping with the cage on, she would continue to hold the key and wake up and unlock me if I couldn’t take it any more. I may wish she were more of a natural Domme but during this period of our journey, well, this may sound silly but I have never seen such a powerful expression of her love for me.

So, if day to day wear was miserable, play time wear was even more so.

I could endure for a while but eventually the scrotum burn would get so bad that we’d have to put an end to whatever we were doing that I really wanted to do. Obviously the pain wasn’t as bad as overnight wear¹ but I would much rather sacrifice a few hours of sleep than time with my hands and my mouth on my wife, my Domina.

The Experience

Trying to explain the experience of being in chastity is very difficult because it varies so much from person to person. As a married man in my fifties, my experience is going to be vastly different from a 19 year old single guy who, for reasons I still don’t quite understand, wants to figure out how to climax with just his ass. So, I’m going to speak of my experience, my experience from a sexual control point of view.

Surrendering sexual agency to another is a potent concept, one whose implications aren’t fully understood when first handing over the key.

When I bought my first cage, it wasn’t out of kink, it was out of nothing but curiosity. I wanted to understand men like Giles English or Tom Van Allen, men that I otherwise could identify with.

The experience for me has long since morphed into something approaching kink but maybe not how many would describe it.

Recalling back to that hotel room I was recently in far separated from my wife, those are the times where being in a cage for me is the most poignant. Usually business trips would be a time where, if the hotel WiFi wasn’t utter crap, I might have a bit of fun. But there I was, unable to do anything but be alone and frustrated.

The cage was perfect. Anodized titanium bars running the length of my shaft, a wide cuff ring encircling me, a recessed security screw lending a seriousness that can’t be found in a $5 Chinese lock. And 1,200 miles away, Jenn was likely in her bath, the driver for the security screw sitting in a lock box. I handed her that first key over a year ago and now, standing naked in that hotel room, her control over my sex was as flippant as it was absolute.

It’s one thing to be dominated by someone as they strive against your will, it’s quite another to be done so with, at most, a passing thought. I wonder if it ever crossed her mind at all.

Male chastity is full of paradoxes. Tease me but don’t release me. Fulfill my fantasies with what cruelty you can find. And let me surrender to indifference.

As a submissive, I have found a richness in chastity I’ve not found in other aspects of our D/s dynamic. It changes. What it provides is always changing. It’s the shifting iridescence of a dragonfly wing in late afternoon’s sunlight.

Dommes, what advice do I have for you? Aside from the technical, very little. My experience as a submissive will be very different from your sub’s experience. But do understand that the sub’s relationship to his chastity cage and your control over it may be far richer and more complex than you imagine: it’s a full bodied red, not a child’s juice box.

Chaste subs: this is a wonderful opportunity for you, having a keyholder. Step back from the tropes you see in horrible keyholder captions or porn and really take time to appreciate the depth of the experience. It can be far more than how much you leak or if your Domme should punish you for a wet dream. You’ve given up control of your sexuality to her. That’s profound. Relish in it!

1. Nocturnal erections don’t come with the pain desensitization that arousal-based erections do.